Looking for the SEC WARS: The Courtesy Flush? Right here.     Magnolia Boll - "In this big game that we play - life - it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve, it's what you TAKE. I'm Houston Nutt, a master of the Egg McMuffin, and author of the SeDeuce and Destroy system, now available to you on audio and video cassette. SeDeuce and Destroy will teach you the techniques to have any hard-up school just a-c-h-i-n-g to text you."     An LSU Athletic Department meeting..."I have to tell you, I'm sick and tired of Ole Miss beating us in everything. They have the best cheers, the best flags, the best walkway through the forest...we got NOTHING." "I've got an idea."   While it's hardly our place to question the wisdom of the sages, we have to ask: what in the fat sack of buttertarts was that? We have to believe that this is some kind of test...this season is like watching a Rube Goldberg machine in motion; the ball bearing triggers the plunger, the pulleys fly, the movement of a block-and-tackle (which is incidentally the sequence a guard supposedly takes after these things called "interceptions"), the bellowing of the baffles, the shaking of the Auburn man-pom-pom, the filling and subsequent tipping of the gravy boat, the swing of the ass-seesaw and we're just waiting for the sea lion with the diesel-soaked t-shirt and flint belt to be lowered into the wood chipper. Crazy days are afoot, to be sure. The scions of Gridironica must have been reaching for the Swedish Fish bowl and instead ended up in the glycerin suppository jar, because the insanity just keeps running. This weekend, Houston Nutt comes to town. THE HOUSTON NUTT. And he's coaching Ole Miss. THE OLE MISS. This game has taken on new meaning as the Magnolia Bowl, replete with heretofore unseen pomp and a new misshapen hunk of tree guerdon. This is all so different and confusing. We need to sort some things out, so we invited a Wise, Heralded Oxford Rebel Emissary. WHORE: Hi, is this the right place? TROUGH: [gestures to chair] WHORE: Phew. Thanks - I had some trouble finding it, what with all this hair in my eyes. TROUGH: You could try cutting it. Or, you could try getting the hair to hire a high school coach in exchange for a recruit, have the hair grossly mismanage the whole sitation, lose players, and become embroiled in controversy punctuated by overbearing parents and humiliating details. Then the hair can just leave. WHORE: Uh... TROUGH: WILD BOYZ! WHORE: Yeah, we're glad those days are over. TROUGH: I'm sure you are. Heck, when your new firebrand of a coach burned those bridges, it's safe to assume one of them crumbled and fell on your old troll of a coach, who was likely standing beneath one of the pilons, nibbling on a goat he stole. WHORE: Now we have a proven winner! TROUGH: Winner of what? The SEC West? Heck, didn't you guys co-win that thing in '03? Take your walk, champions! You've earned it! Oh, and hold hands because that's what sharing is all about. WHORE: No, he's been to Atlanta a couple of times, and he's given you guys fits. TROUGH: OMG U R SO RITE WHORE: What? TROUGH: Sorry. Just practicing Nuttese. WHORE: Hey, we did beat Florida. TROUGH: Eh, you made Tebow cry. Join the club. At least we had the kindness to wipe up the hardest working tears with a national championship flag. I know you would have helped. WHORE: Yeah, if we had our own stupid flag. We do have Aunt Sadie's Porthault linens on our folding table... TROUGH: What? Oh, no. I was going to say that you would have helped if you knew how to wipe. WHORE: Well, you can bet I know how to eat a corndog! TROUGH: It would be pretty embarrassing if you didn't, right? I mean, it's like chicken-on-a-stick's cousin. What would you do, nibble on the stick? Oh I forgot - you wouldn't want people to think you were engaging in the Yazoo City mating ritual, though that's the best way to summon the fauna from the Flora. WHORE: You smell like corndogs. TROUGH: You smell like Meridian. WHORE: TAKE IT BACK! I DO NOT! I hate you corndogs. TROUGH: About that corndog thing, is that just like a "rndog" that you've decided to "co-" up, too? Didja get a flag for that? Where'd you plant the pole? WHORE: I hate you and I hate coming here; it's so uncivilized. I haven't seen any Cream of Chicken soup in anything. Plus it takes forever to get here. TROUGH: Did you go 18 mph the entire way? WHORE: Yes, out of respect. TROUGH: Completely agree. That Southern Siding is really a quality product. WHORE: Just you wait. Col. Reb is gonna take it to you. TROUGH: With his secret blend of 11 players and spices...you mights describe it as bonafide fried suck, with biscuits. Theirs are so good because they don't overSnead the dough, and they cover the tops with Nuttermilk. WHORE: That's disgusting. TROUGH: Oh, sorry. They dust it with Durkee's and serve it on a silver platter. WHORE: That sounds awesome. TROUGH: Yeah, then they turn the wine into wine punch. Methinks this will be a battle of Biblical proportions. Maybe it'll rain frogs. Nutt will lead them, chin in hand! WHORE: Chin in hand? TROUGH: Oh, sorry. Jawbone of an ass. WHORE: Whatever. We are taking that trophy. TROUGH: Phew! Frankly, we don't have the room in the trophy case anymore! We appreciate that. It'll give you guys something to lick in the offseason; the dog-urine stained mailboxes will thank you, for sure. On the minus side, your tongue won't be "Rebel blue" anymore. WHORE: We can paint it. It's our trophy. We can paint it however we want. TROUGH: You sure can. If you win, you can do whatever you want to it. WHORE: Ooh! We're going to put a JumboTron on it! TROUGH: Good idea. The equivalent of dressing a dog turd in Barbie clothes. "Hey, lookie here! Shiny!" WHORE: You're just jealous of our new JumboTron. TROUGH: You mean jealous of Stayht's? Theirs is bigger, of course. WHORE: It's a new day, corndog. Coach Nutt has us on the right path. TROUGH: I agree. Perennial underachievement is indeed a step up from complete suck. Better build a new Walk to celebrate it! Maybe it's just a path...or a Lane. WHORE: These are different times, corndog! TROUGH: Oh yeah? Did they take away Nutt's BlackBerry? Does Nutt keep his shirt on while talking to the players? WHORE: I don't know about the shirt. TROUGH: Same irrelevancy, different day. It's like a kid clanging on pots in the kitchen - there's definitely some noise, but it's ultimately harmless. And fleeting. WHORE: We'll get our chance, corndog. We'll knock off the Tigers soon enough. TROUGH: You mean South Panola, right? WHORE: Yep. We're gunning for 'em. TROUGH: Maybe you should make a trophy for that. WHORE: Ooh, great idea! What should it look like? TROUGH: What about a JumboTron inside of a Solo cup? WHORE: I LOVE IT. WE CAN ADD A JUMBOTRON TO IT. TROUGH: That's bonafide right there. I can add that to my chapter in my hagiography of your coach. WHORE: What's that? TROUGH: It's a book, Jerrell. WHORE: On our coach? Wow! What's it called? TROUGH: Nutts and Bolts. Hoist high the mighty flowery phallus, gents! Victory is nigh! 2008 Magnolia Bowl Victors LSU Tigers: 38, 2008 Magnolia Bowl Co-Victors Ole Miss Rebels: 35 Welcome to The Trough, a place that really gets to the meat of LSU's opponents. Ok, not so much the meat, but the sinewy gristle and thick connective tissue. We then feed these funbits through a grinder to get a coarse meaty bounty, and that's what is on display here. It should be a given that while The Trough is loosely related to LSUChicageaux.com, it's more like a Baton Rouge uncle than a Tuscaloosa cousin. In other words, what's in The Trough is obviously not endorsed by any official LSU entity. They've got better sense than that.